Don't Be Afraid. Just Ask.

This is personal. Not many people read my blogs so it's OK. I'm putting this out there anyway. 

I'm on a healing tour because my beloved horse Jimmy died suddenly. We were together for 24 years. I'm visiting friends and family all over the States. It's been an adventure and also recently a big learning event. 

I was in Champaign visiting my friend Janet, and she mentioned that Tom Hanks' brother is a professor there. All these years thinking that Tom might be the person who would understand this movie's potential to help and I just find this news out now? Crazy. So we went to his building and I left a note in his mailbox. It was about the movie, my mission and that I needed help. I straight out asked. I have quit being afraid. Or so I thought.

In Nashville, my friend mentioned a guy who sells typewriters and that Tom Hanks visited him. I was seeing a pattern here and thought it was a sign for me to go and meet him in person and ask (not over the phone) if he had any suggestions on how I might contact Tom. By the way, I do think typewriters are cool and had a beautiful mint condition blue Royal that was ruined in storage. I was sad. Anyways, we had a great conversation about many things including the restaurant industry. He's a very nice guy and passionate about his work, dealing in typewriters. And it was a really cool place.

I wanted to ask right away so I wasn't being weird, but as time went on, I felt more uncomfortable and nervous about asking him for help. It got to the end, and I struggled about asking, and ended up not asking but telling him about the movie. Fear. Fear stopped me. It all ended poorly. I left there with a pretty bad feeling. I felt dishonest and uncomfortable.

I sent him an email the day after to apologize and also prove that the things we did talk about were the truth. My friend suggested that I ask then. Bad move. Mistake. I should have had the guts to ask for help right away, but I didn't. Fear is a very strong emotion and I'm not used to all of this. I'm a waitress and a trucker and used to doing things on my own. I'm used to loving driving my 18 wheeler along the highway, seeing the land, meeting people and loving my life.

I didn't ask for this movie. No one has ever heard me say that I wanted to make a movie. EVER!

BUT, I KNOW I was called to make the movie. God provided EVERYTHING! Proof. One person absolutely can NOT do what I did. It was in God's strength. Period. It's His, not mine.

Last fall, I was getting everything ready to move to Vancouver Island and live a trucker type life, while still trying to get the movie remade, but Covid stopped that. I was very frustrated and angry even while loving being back on long haul. Waiting to move was ok, but I figured out that I was not doing what I know is God's will for my life. God's Will. How do I know? There's not enough space here to explain how I know.

Right before I started to write this down here, funny enough, my buddy from High School, with whom I was reconnected when the movie came out years ago, said that I have always been clear on God's call for my life. I didn't know it showed. Jim knows all about the remake idea. I thanked him for his perfect timing because I've been upset since yesterday when I read Kirk the typewriter man's email. 

A couple of nights before, I sent a very short (I knew he hated me) email to apologize AGAIN. He sent me a very long email about how I was selfish, acted covertly, tried to use him for my own good (getting into the movie biz I'm guessing), and lots more. Also how I don't understand famous people and their lives and so forth. I had no idea that I had done all these things. I just knew I really screwed up and something wasn't right. It was the first time in my entire life anyone has said anything this scathing and hurtful, and he was totally wrong about me. 

I returned an email and even asked for forgiveness AGAIN, along with knowing that I screwed up and that from his perspective, I did appear to be these things and I deserved to be beat up. I also put insight into my mission to help him understand this mess. Unfortunately, I doubt he'll read it or ever believe anything I say.  

But I do understand about famous people. Their lives are terrible in my opinion. They lose their lives to the world. Especially the really famous ones. No time to be just who they are. In public anyway. I would never want to be famous. I like my life just the way it is. I have friends all over the world. Real friends, not FB "friends". I'm 'famous' enough thank you very much.

Now I have come to realize that I need to let it all go, upsetting as his harsh words were. He completely misjudged me. He has NO IDEA of what I am all about. He thought I was a person who wants fame, fortune and whatever else goes with it and lots of other ideas of who I am. But he's wrong, and it's all because I was afraid and nervous. I forgot to remember to do this poster's message...(The poster I carried in my car on the whole tour!)

The truth is that my struggle with following God's path for me is because it's NOT what I want. Anyone who knows me knows that. Leave me alone God! I've said it many times. I LOVE trucking. Go away. I made the movie as you wanted. I'm done!

Apparently not. I've spent 18 years on this movie, all my retirement funds at the time--I'm fine now (and it's never been about money for me-- never made one single penny on the movie) and I even moved to Vancouver (alias Nineveh) to try to get connections for a remake, which is the path I ended up on. Why a remake? Because people keep saying how it needs to be out in the "regular" world. IT'S ALREADY BEEN SEEN IN EVERY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD ON THE INTERNET!!! Isn't that enough?!?

I sound angry. I am. Just when I've recommitted to the movie... I'm angry at myself for being such a chicken, which made me appear deceitful and manipulative, and I'm a bit angry at Kirk. His reaction was very very strong (and rightfully so IF I was that type of person), but he had no room for understanding. I apologized twice and he still raked me over the coals. I made a big mistake out of fear. His perspective was only that I "tried to use me so that you could use Tom to get what you want". I get it from his view, but it's wrong. Besides, I already have what I want.

He doesn't know me or my life or the truth and passion of my mission. He just sees what he knows and has experienced, and maybe I was a trigger of some sort. He doesn't know that I'd give the movie away to the right people, to get it remade. Mr. Hanks keeps popping up. In North Carolina, my restaurant pal of over 20 years and I went by the part of the park trail where "Forrest Gump ran". Really?? C'mon! Kirk doesn't know why I made the movie in the first place--to help people understand what we in the restaurant industry are really like, and quit judging us and treating us as less than we are. He doesn't know that I put my entire life into this mission that I never ever wanted. And, he doesn't know that I have given up the fight.

Last night, because I was upset, I watched Milton's Secret . A movie based on Eckhart Tolle's teachings on controlling your emotions and thoughts. Great stuff and free! They were giving it away. At the end they were selling a package with tools to help you learn the teachings. Good movie... with a lure. I just now discovered that it was released in 2016! WOW. Thought it was new!

I've been giving the movie away since 2008. It's free all over the internet. No lure. No sales pitch, no nothing. Just a desire to help people understand and be entertained at the same time. It has helped people. I've been told. Now, I want to get the movie remade because I know it will help even more people. And perhaps in ways I didn't even know about. I've heard that before and was surprised. THAT was my desire. It was not to get into the movie biz--which is why I didn't really try film festivals. Those are for FILMMAKERS! I am a waitress. A waitress and a trucker, and I love them both.

I'm done. But one more thing. One lesson I've learned here is: just ask. Don't be afraid. What's gonna happen? Who knows. Who cares? Another lesson is: when I ask, do it boldly and confidently. I know what I'm supposed to be doing. I know my motives, and who cares what other people think. I don't anymore after this because they might be terribly wrong. But at the same time, don't be such a chicken!! There's only one Person who matters. My success is that when I stand in front of God, I want to hear, "Well done good and faithful servant." And THAT'S why I'm not going to quit or let something like what happened in Nashville destroy my desire to help others by doing the will of God. 

That's it.

Or maybe not. Since I wrote this, I keep thinking about and losing sleep over this whole mess. Last night (a few days after I first published this), I figured out why it's bothering me so much. Yes, I felt bad during and right after the event because I knew I messed up and felt dishonest and all those bad feelings, but not as bad as I felt after getting his email. 

Now I know why. He said, "covertly and ploy". It was my intention to meet him and ask him if he could help and I chickened out. (And I'm sorry if I like typewriters in the mean time.) IF I had intended to act covertly and have a ploy, and use him, I wouldn't feel bad at all. But I do. And, it has bothered me long enough. I have learned a big lesson as stated above and now I have to let it go. Just as in waitressing, you can't solve every problem and people are going to take the ONE mistake you make and erase everything else. No more fear. It gets me in trouble.

Welcome Back

 They're coming back! The restaurants. The people. The fun...

 

Most of us have missed going out to eat with our families and friends. But slowly and surely, we're starting to resume this wonderful event of socializing. There are still many restaurants that are doing take out only, but eventually, hopefully they too will be able to get back to life as we knew it in the past.

It's been tough for most restaurant people and many of these people won't be going back to work in their restaurants... permanently closed. So sad that there wasn't enough help.

I'm visiting Summit County Colorado where I lived for many years and shot a restaurant movie here in 2005. "Did I Say Thousand Island?" was premiered in Breckenridge, Co. in 2007 and continues to be watched on the internet... all these years later. I'm on a mission to get it remade and use it to help restaurant people in the event of another devastating blow from somewhere.

I recently learned about Summit Musicians Relief Fund (SMRF). It started out as a fund to help 2 local musicians who were fighting leukemia. Leon Joseph Littlebird is one of them and he happens to have donated music for the movie back in 2005. This non-profit was subsequently able to help Summit Co. musicians who were put out of work from the Covid-19. Wouldn't it be great if there had been more help available to those in the restaurant world? Use a restaurant movie to help their own.

Or maybe... just get the movie remade for sake of the movie itself. There's a reason why it's been seen all over the world. Maybe because it's a movie that has helped people get an honest idea of what restaurant people are really like: hard working, intelligent, fun and entertaining. Maybe it's about more than the restaurant industry. Or maybe you've missed your pals at your local watering hole or cafe, or wherever you went to unwind and get out of the house, and have more respect for this industry that is usually stereotyped in a very negative way. 

Did I Say Thousand Island? represents the truth about an industry that resonates with all people and has a universal connection. It's personal for many people, genuine and just plain fun. It's a real movie that could be used to help people here in the real world. Let's Do It!

Hometown Cafe

 (Originally on Remake For Restaurants blog posted in May of 2020)

The bus showed up. We weren't ready. In the weeds. Big time.

Maybe we had some warning signs: HIV... H1N1... Ebola...

Now, our favorite hometown cafes, cozy pubs, breakfast nooks, posh places and night clubs are closed and might never open again.

Rodeo cowboys and cowgirls have them. Police and firemen and women do too. Union workers...

They have organizations with funds to draw on in case of injury. Yes, there are some out there locally for restaurant workers, but what about the restaurants?

The restaurant industry is unique on many levels and creates unique situations when it suffers. Right now it's suffering. But I don't need to tell you that.

It's the neighbourhood places you love that won't make it. The big chains probably will. And they're the ones getting the money. Excuse me?

What if there was a fund that could help the little guy? Built locally to help locally. Just to keep them alive.  Not WHEN disaster hits. BEFORE it hits. Yes, people are banning together now, BUT...

I'm a truck driver. Driving my 18 wheels all around North America delivering food. But before, I was a waitress. For over 30 years. Loved it. Which is why I made a movie. Didn't want to. Wanted to drive a big rig.

When I talked to my friend Bobby who is struggling to keep his 31 year old restaurant afloat, I was very sad. I was one of the original crew back in 1988. Stayed for almost 15 years and we recently had a fabulous 30 year reunion. Relationships. What it's about.

The movie "Did I Say Thousand Island?" has been seen all over the world. It's old. Premiered in 2007. Still being watched. Why? People like it and they relate to its people and their stories.

What if it was remade and used to create funds to have for when the next virus hits. And it will. Not being doom and gloomly, just trying to problem solve. I'm a waitress.  Can't help it.

Cut enough lemons. Bake enough pies. Be prepared.

It doesn't have to be complicated. Just takes the right person to get it. 

padivita@gmail.com

Comment from USAToday Article June 2007

 This comment from a physician hangs on my wall to remind me why I made the movie in the first place. It brought tears to my eyes when I first read it, and still makes me smile. USAToday article link.

I'm a professional actor and a physician. I didn't imagine I'd be spending this kind of time today on the lives and careers of restaurant wait staff, but having been a server myself, I'm pleased to take just a few minutes more to show my support for all of us who have been, are or will be part of this profession. Ms. DeVita, even if your film isn't to be a summer film festival winner, you have nonetheless succeeded in what you set out to do.

It isn't everyone who is passionate or cares enough about the human experience to get people talking and hopefully improve some aspect of the world we live in...and you have done just that. You're not just a waitress or a film maker. You're a humanitarian, and for your hard work and sense of social responsibility in serving this slice of life to the masses, you are to be applauded and congratulated with our many thanks.

Like StellaBella12002 who wrote earlier, I waited tables both the summer before I began medical school and two years later before starting my clinical clerkship years. The three months I worked in a family-style, Marriott hotel restaurant proved to be invaluable preparation for what I'd face in the coming years. I think the most beneficial skill I learned was an unexpected one and helped me successfully complete the 26 credit hours I'd be taking in my first quarter...

Twenty years ago, we didn't have handheld computers to input food orders. In addition to learning and retaining a significant amount of information about the hundreds of food and beverage items we served, if I were going to deliver prompt service and turn tables fast, I realized I couldn't take the time to write down orders and then spend five minutes at the ordering station searching for codes I'd need to input for my order.

I wound up memorizing all of the mod look-up numbers assigned to each item or instruction for the kitchen/bar staff. Eventually, I could take an order from a six top, not write anything down, go to an ordering station and download what I had stored from memory. The pace was usually furious and I wouldn't stop for hours on end. Waiting tables finely tuned my ability to focus, attend, listen very carefully and learn what I had to the first time.

Most importantly, I had to learn to do this while under significant pressure to perform and appear calm, cool and confident--precisely what you must bring to your bedside manner as an overworked, sleep-deprived intern or resident. It goes without saying how this ability has also helped me as an actor who frequently gets 15 minutes to learn and work a revised script at an audition.

Aside from sharpening my memory, time management skills and learning how to "never let them see you sweat", I also found I had to be a customer service rep, salesperson, tour guide, caregiver, entertainer and diplomat. Without a doubt, your best servers have expert communication and social skills. I recognized early on that I couldn't expect a 15% tip, let alone 10% if I just brought people the food they ordered. All servers play a role in their customer's dining experience, and the best servers have the ability to perceive and intuitively sense just how much face time a customer wants from them. He/she pays attention to the purpose, mood and climate of the people they're serving.

Whether you're a soda fountain waitress at the five and dime or working at an exclusive restaurant, if you don't have great people skills you're history. Working as a server absolutely helped me with mine and I can't tell you how grateful I am for having had the opportunity to acquire and hone skills that I bring to my present work.                                                                                      iwan2doitall wrote: 4d 21h ago