Don't Be Afraid. Just Ask.

This is personal. Not many people read my blogs so it's OK. I'm putting this out there anyway. 

I'm on a healing tour because my beloved horse Jimmy died suddenly. We were together for 24 years. I'm visiting friends and family all over the States. It's been an adventure and also recently a big learning event. 

I was in Champaign visiting my friend Janet, and she mentioned that Tom Hanks' brother is a professor there. All these years thinking that Tom might be the person who would understand this movie's potential to help and I just find this news out now? Crazy. So we went to his building and I left a note in his mailbox. It was about the movie, my mission and that I needed help. I straight out asked. I have quit being afraid. Or so I thought.

In Nashville, my friend mentioned a guy who sells typewriters and that Tom Hanks visited him. I was seeing a pattern here and thought it was a sign for me to go and meet him in person and ask (not over the phone) if he had any suggestions on how I might contact Tom. By the way, I do think typewriters are cool and had a beautiful mint condition blue Royal that was ruined in storage. I was sad. Anyways, we had a great conversation about many things including the restaurant industry. He's a very nice guy and passionate about his work, dealing in typewriters. And it was a really cool place.

I wanted to ask right away so I wasn't being weird, but as time went on, I felt more uncomfortable and nervous about asking him for help. It got to the end, and I struggled about asking, and ended up not asking but telling him about the movie. Fear. Fear stopped me. It all ended poorly. I left there with a pretty bad feeling. I felt dishonest and uncomfortable.

I sent him an email the day after to apologize and also prove that the things we did talk about were the truth. My friend suggested that I ask then. Bad move. Mistake. I should have had the guts to ask for help right away, but I didn't. Fear is a very strong emotion and I'm not used to all of this. I'm a waitress and a trucker and used to doing things on my own. I'm used to loving driving my 18 wheeler along the highway, seeing the land, meeting people and loving my life.

I didn't ask for this movie. No one has ever heard me say that I wanted to make a movie. EVER!

BUT, I KNOW I was called to make the movie. God provided EVERYTHING! Proof. One person absolutely can NOT do what I did. It was in God's strength. Period. It's His, not mine.

Last fall, I was getting everything ready to move to Vancouver Island and live a trucker type life, while still trying to get the movie remade, but Covid stopped that. I was very frustrated and angry even while loving being back on long haul. Waiting to move was ok, but I figured out that I was not doing what I know is God's will for my life. God's Will. How do I know? There's not enough space here to explain how I know.

Right before I started to write this down here, funny enough, my buddy from High School, with whom I was reconnected when the movie came out years ago, said that I have always been clear on God's call for my life. I didn't know it showed. Jim knows all about the remake idea. I thanked him for his perfect timing because I've been upset since yesterday when I read Kirk the typewriter man's email. 

A couple of nights before, I sent a very short (I knew he hated me) email to apologize AGAIN. He sent me a very long email about how I was selfish, acted covertly, tried to use him for my own good (getting into the movie biz I'm guessing), and lots more. Also how I don't understand famous people and their lives and so forth. I had no idea that I had done all these things. I just knew I really screwed up and something wasn't right. It was the first time in my entire life anyone has said anything this scathing and hurtful, and he was totally wrong about me. 

I returned an email and even asked for forgiveness AGAIN, along with knowing that I screwed up and that from his perspective, I did appear to be these things and I deserved to be beat up. I also put insight into my mission to help him understand this mess. Unfortunately, I doubt he'll read it or ever believe anything I say.  

But I do understand about famous people. Their lives are terrible in my opinion. They lose their lives to the world. Especially the really famous ones. No time to be just who they are. In public anyway. I would never want to be famous. I like my life just the way it is. I have friends all over the world. Real friends, not FB "friends". I'm 'famous' enough thank you very much.

Now I have come to realize that I need to let it all go, upsetting as his harsh words were. He completely misjudged me. He has NO IDEA of what I am all about. He thought I was a person who wants fame, fortune and whatever else goes with it and lots of other ideas of who I am. But he's wrong, and it's all because I was afraid and nervous. I forgot to remember to do this poster's message...(The poster I carried in my car on the whole tour!)

The truth is that my struggle with following God's path for me is because it's NOT what I want. Anyone who knows me knows that. Leave me alone God! I've said it many times. I LOVE trucking. Go away. I made the movie as you wanted. I'm done!

Apparently not. I've spent 18 years on this movie, all my retirement funds at the time--I'm fine now (and it's never been about money for me-- never made one single penny on the movie) and I even moved to Vancouver (alias Nineveh) to try to get connections for a remake, which is the path I ended up on. Why a remake? Because people keep saying how it needs to be out in the "regular" world. IT'S ALREADY BEEN SEEN IN EVERY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD ON THE INTERNET!!! Isn't that enough?!?

I sound angry. I am. Just when I've recommitted to the movie... I'm angry at myself for being such a chicken, which made me appear deceitful and manipulative, and I'm a bit angry at Kirk. His reaction was very very strong (and rightfully so IF I was that type of person), but he had no room for understanding. I apologized twice and he still raked me over the coals. I made a big mistake out of fear. His perspective was only that I "tried to use me so that you could use Tom to get what you want". I get it from his view, but it's wrong. Besides, I already have what I want.

He doesn't know me or my life or the truth and passion of my mission. He just sees what he knows and has experienced, and maybe I was a trigger of some sort. He doesn't know that I'd give the movie away to the right people, to get it remade. Mr. Hanks keeps popping up. In North Carolina, my restaurant pal of over 20 years and I went by the part of the park trail where "Forrest Gump ran". Really?? C'mon! Kirk doesn't know why I made the movie in the first place--to help people understand what we in the restaurant industry are really like, and quit judging us and treating us as less than we are. He doesn't know that I put my entire life into this mission that I never ever wanted. And, he doesn't know that I have given up the fight.

Last night, because I was upset, I watched Milton's Secret . A movie based on Eckhart Tolle's teachings on controlling your emotions and thoughts. Great stuff and free! They were giving it away. At the end they were selling a package with tools to help you learn the teachings. Good movie... with a lure. I just now discovered that it was released in 2016! WOW. Thought it was new!

I've been giving the movie away since 2008. It's free all over the internet. No lure. No sales pitch, no nothing. Just a desire to help people understand and be entertained at the same time. It has helped people. I've been told. Now, I want to get the movie remade because I know it will help even more people. And perhaps in ways I didn't even know about. I've heard that before and was surprised. THAT was my desire. It was not to get into the movie biz--which is why I didn't really try film festivals. Those are for FILMMAKERS! I am a waitress. A waitress and a trucker, and I love them both.

I'm done. But one more thing. One lesson I've learned here is: just ask. Don't be afraid. What's gonna happen? Who knows. Who cares? Another lesson is: when I ask, do it boldly and confidently. I know what I'm supposed to be doing. I know my motives, and who cares what other people think. I don't anymore after this because they might be terribly wrong. But at the same time, don't be such a chicken!! There's only one Person who matters. My success is that when I stand in front of God, I want to hear, "Well done good and faithful servant." And THAT'S why I'm not going to quit or let something like what happened in Nashville destroy my desire to help others by doing the will of God. 

That's it.

Or maybe not. Since I wrote this, I keep thinking about and losing sleep over this whole mess. Last night (a few days after I first published this), I figured out why it's bothering me so much. Yes, I felt bad during and right after the event because I knew I messed up and felt dishonest and all those bad feelings, but not as bad as I felt after getting his email. 

Now I know why. He said, "covertly and ploy". It was my intention to meet him and ask him if he could help and I chickened out. (And I'm sorry if I like typewriters in the mean time.) IF I had intended to act covertly and have a ploy, and use him, I wouldn't feel bad at all. But I do. And, it has bothered me long enough. I have learned a big lesson as stated above and now I have to let it go. Just as in waitressing, you can't solve every problem and people are going to take the ONE mistake you make and erase everything else. No more fear. It gets me in trouble.

10 Years later and still growing

Today marks the 10 year anniversary of the premier of "Did I Say Thousand Island?" in Breckenridge Colorado. It's a fun movie set in the resort community of Summit County and shows what life is like in  when you work in the restaurant industry.

Movie synopsis:

Have you ever lived in a resort town? Cathy and Meagan do, and they're always having fun in the mountains of Colorado. Rodeos, skiing, sheet pan surfing, camping, horseback riding... you name it. How can they always have so much fun? They work in the restaurant business! But it's not always fun and games. This is real life: people die in avalanche chutes, parents get sick and you move home, and sometimes you darn near slice off a finger cutting peppers for the nice and quiet lady on table 15. But not everyone at table 15 is nice or quiet.

Sometimes you want to smack 'em. Sometimes you bust a button laughing with them. That's the business. Both waitresses are single, in their thirties and have college degrees. But they differ in their views of their chosen careers as well as their life situations. While Maegan's trying to catch life's curve balls, Cathy's enjoying a smooth romance with the handsome newcomer, but she gets nervous as things progress. Can this really work? We'll see. From iced tea to Opus, we re-discover the true meaning of friendships while celebrating the lives of restaurant people.

I have been on a mission to get the movie remade to use it for water awareness, but realize that I just can't make people care about water. Either they do or don't. So I am back to my original passion and that's the restaurant world.  Restaurants, especially in any resort community are a great way to spend your time working and anyone who has done it for any length of time will agree.

After hearing time and time again that I need to remake the movie so more people can see it, I am back on the road to find the right people to remake it. Seeing as it's already been seen all over the world, it has an audience, and that would grow after people see the movie. How do I know this? Because if people are still telling their friends to watch it 10 years later, and it's a no-budget guerrilla shot film, then there must be something about it. These are some of the many comments I get in emails:

"It goes even further than restaurants: not living up to someone else's expectations for your life. It's about doing what you want to do and finding your own happiness."

"Thank you for an enjoyable evening last night and the warm, friendly feeling that lingers when I think about the film."

"... I think your movie is really about finding ways to love your life...finding the heart of whatever you are in, and getting it."


"James Cameron aside, Hollywood seems so afraid of risk these days, always looking to do something that has already proven itself and so we get Home Alone 4. At the same time we see the big stars producing their own films for greater control. I could see your movie being remade by producer / star Sandra Bullock with only a few million of her own dollars invested and being a box office success. If not Sandra Bullock, then one of about 30 other celebrity / actresses." 

So I am back at the beginning again. It was impossible for one person to make a movie like this, but it happened. It's going to take a miracle to make it happen again. But... I have a great relationship with the One who makes miracles happen and I am never going to give up.

For the Love of Restaurants

Years ago in Florida, I was talking to the bartender about our jobs and he said, "Of course, we do it for the money." Gosh, I thought I did it for the fun! Grant it, bartenders can make more than servers in places, but still.

Maybe I am weird (as I have been told), but I loved working in all the restaurants over the years for many reasons. Regardless of what other people thought and think, the restaurant industry is a blast. It offers a fun and flexible life style--allowing you to spend time with family and friends, or activities that are important to you, and decent money at the right places--even great money. And, you can live in a place, while other people save money all year long, just for the chance to spend just 2 weeks in your home town. Pretty great!

When I was changing my Remake 4 Water website, I thought maybe...Remake 4 Money. Seems that money is what makes the world go round, as they say, but I didn't like the sound of that. Especially as money has never been my motivation. (My family and friends can verify that wee fact.)

So I decided while out walking in the cold clear Alberta night, I know!!! Remake 4 Love! Yeah... then people can think whatever they want. Love of what? You fill it in. Restaurants. People. Fun. Movies. Stories. Beautiful scenery. Horses. Romance. Money (for who ever remakes the movie-- that has been seen in every single country in the entire world and many territories and continues to be downloaded hundreds of times a day; it will happen) Whatever the love-- that was it. Love. Because I believe LOVE makes the world go 'round. Money is just a tool.

"It's not just a job, it's a lifestyle". That was the tagline for the movie years ago. It's a fact. Restaurant life is more than a job. Ask your friends or family who work in it and like it. Actually, when I was doing research before doing the movie, 95% of the people I spoke with really liked their jobs. It's such a fallacy that restaurant people hate their jobs and can't wait to find something else-- as all the movies, media and people outside of the biz will happily tell you. Boneheads.

So, because I still believe that the movie is a fun and entertaining coupla hours, as do thousands and thousands of people who must agree with me, seeing that they keep telling their pals about the movie, I will never give up that the right people will find it and remake it for the masses. It's just a fun movie that you will relate to in some way. So why not? Tell your second cousin on your mother's great uncle's daughter's brother's side of the family tree, that a fun movie awaits their talents, resources and savvy to remake a restaurant movie with heart.

Ok, gotta go truckin'! We gone. Bye bye...;-)

Where's The Beef?!

It's comin'. It's comin'. But not on a platter.

Do you remember that slogan? Clara Peller was the cute little ol' lady who shouted it at all of us back in the late 1980's. What a massive ad campaign THAT was. And....it worked. 

At Wendy's, sales jumped 31% to $945 million in 1985 worldwide. Wendy's senior vice president for communications, Denny Lynch, stated at the time that "with Clara we accomplished as much in five weeks as we did in 14½ years."  (Taken from Wikipedia.)

Just as a great ad campaign boosts sales, great movies boost... ah... well... what do great movies boost? There are many answers to that question and I suppose it really depends on the person watching the movie. But regardless of your answer, there is absolutely no doubt that movies and the celebrities that are in them have a huge effect on the lives of people all around the world. And this is exactly why I will never give up on my mission to find the right people to remake my indie movie.

I was thrilled a few weeks ago when I discovered that we have officially been seen all over the world: in every country...196 total, and I wouldn't doubt if there are even more. It's just that 196 is the magic number the United Nations agree is the number of countries on the planet. There are many websites where you can get the movie downloaded for free and when I check on them now and then, it's really cool to see how many people at any given time are getting the movie. It makes me realize how popular the remake will be when it happens. That is, if it's made with the same element that draws people in now. I believe that will happen, and I am not giving up!

So what did I mean by "but not on a platter"? I can't really waitress any more, but am still in the food biz--that is when you consider hauling cattle to be an integral part of the process: albeit not the most pleasant part. I love the driving... I just don't look them in the eye when I drop them off. I do try to give them a comfortable final ride and watched the Temple Grandin movie because I believe in treating animals with respect regardless of their role in my life.

What does this have to do with my movie? Well, given the fact that it takes almost 2000 gallons of water to produce merely 1/2 pound of beef, and there have been unprecedented droughts in some of the beef producing states, maybe we need to take a closer look at how we act concerning our water. If we don't make changes to our behavior, we are in big trouble. My mission is to find the right people to remake my restaurant love story movie and use it to bring awareness and funds to the serious water situation. Water and restaurants are related in more ways than the obvious one and I won't quit trying until I find the right people.

Where's the beef? Hopefully, still on its way........

Where's My Food?!

I just finished a post for Remake 4 Water and it occurred to me that I needed to post here as well, on the same subject: Documentaries.

In the Remake 4 Water blog, I gave stats about their status in the movie going public and as sad as I am about the un-popularity of them, there is one out there at the moment that needs mentioning. "Where's My Food?!" by Lee Godden.

 I watched the trailer and it seemed that he was being very honest and upfront about the restaurant industry-- which is the largest employer in the US, outside of the government, and I think it's the same in any country.

Think about it. In any small town, no matter how small it is, it might not have a bank, a gas station, or a barber, but you can bet it has a restaurant, or at least a cafe where the locals can come for the daily gossip and a cup of coffee. We all go out to eat at some point and restaurants are always a hot topic in blogs or articles and always get a high number of comments, many of them: quite heated.

Which is why I made my movie in the first place: to show waitresses and waiters as the fun and intelligent people they are and that restaurants are a great life! Even though I saw some of the negative aspects in Lee's trailer and yes of course they are there in life (and his is a doc after all), but I was so tired of movies focusing on them and portraying us as total losers, all the time. "Waiting" is a great example of that negativity and I have to say how thrilled I was to see the absurditiy of it. Again, yes I know there is a negative side, but do we have to focus on it? I had a great career in restaurants and ask Paul Paz about his.

Paul runs Waiter's World and is still loving being a fabulous waiter in Oregon. He is in "Where's My Food?!" and talks about his life in restaurants. So my message was about respect and treatment of people in the business and I hope that in the end, Lee's movie does the same, maybe with a different slant. But now I am going to use my movie for another reason, hence Remake 4 Water. Still a narrative feature length movie, but with another message incorporated into it, and that brings me again to the point I have been saying all along.

There's a message that has to get out to people, and no matter how many great and wonderful documentaries there are (and there are many about water and how it's crucial that we change our relationship with it), people don't hear the message! But if we incorporate it with a fun movie and make it entertaining, they will start to hear. But why "Did I Say Thousand Island?" ? Because restaurants can't operate without water, everyone goes out to eat and the movie has already been seen all over the world, which is amazing for a "no-budget-no-name-non-marketed" movie!

Coincidentally (nothing with God is a coincidence), a Calgary based production company, Nomadic Pictures is shooting here in High River, so I went down there to see whom I could talk to about R4W. I ended up meeting a cool guy named Zoltan Barabas--(cool name too eh?) who understood my reality about "Did I Say Thousand Island?" and how I am not a filmmaker...nor do I want to be. I am a waitress-- well now I am a trucker, but anyway, I told him my story, gave him the movie and he said he would pass it on.

I really hope that Lee's movie does well for him, and I think it would help people understand some things about the restaurant industry and its people, but also that it will give credibility to my opinion that restaurants are a popular topic-- from both sides of the table. I know that "Did I Say Thousand Island?", when it is remade by those in the biz, will be a hit, and I am not giving up.

But in the meantime, check out Lee's movie and support his efforts! Peace out from the Great White North... and Happy Valentine's Day too! ;-)