There's More to it

At first glance, Did I Say Thousand Island? seems to be a nice, sweet and fun movie about life in resort towns and working in the restaurant industry.  It is. 

But lurking beneath the surface are other emotions and introspective notions. I knew this, but I was reminded again the other day. The lead actress Jaime Foard called me. She, her husband and their almost 10 year old son watched it together for the first time. Her son loved it (of course) but her husband made a comment that really made me think.

"Cathy always seems angry."

Hmmmmm. Well. You know? You're right. But I'd say it was frustration rather than anger. And I would know. 

This is a fictional movie but it was stitched together with stories that I either gathered or remembered from all my years working in restaurants. Most everything in the movie had happened to someone. When I did research to see if I was on the right track before actually shooting the movie, I absolutely was. 

One of the things I was right about was actually the whole reason why I made the movie in the first place: to potentially impact the attitude towards us. I was tired and frustrated regarding how people treated my decision to work in the restaurant industry. They didn't respect the decision or the career. Even strangers said derogatory things when they'd learn that I have a University degree. Hence the questions that we all get asked that are stated on the website. Things like "real job" or "DO something with your life" or "JUST a waitress" etc. A gal at a wedding in Colorado said that very thing to me when I mentioned the movie. "Yeah! My parents are always saying that to me too. I love my life! Look where I live and get to enjoy it every day!"

People outside our world just don't get it. But I am starting to think that maybe things are changing. In a world turned absolutely upside down in the past couple of years, people were not allowed to go and eat. Now that things have been opening up, maybe they realized how important we non-real-job persons are to their sanity.

 A gal I worked with at Opryland Hotel over 40 years ago and I were talking once after I made the movie. She told me this story: "We went to a pub type place to have a bite to eat. I looked at the middle aged bartender and immediately thought 'look at her, what a loser'.  But as I sat there and observed what went on, I realized that this lady was an angel to the customers at the bar. She was kind and sweet to them. I could tell they were mostly regulars and I thought 'she wasn't just serving drinks. She was important to them. They had a real relationship.' I felt bad that I had made that snap judgement." 

Seeing as we had been bartenders for private parties-- yes a bit different, but still-- I was at first surprised by her initial comment. But she had moved on to the corporate world. Interesting enough, not always the happiest conversations in those years following. Sorry, but it's the truth. Many people have come out of the woodwork since I made the movie to let me know that they really miss their lives from "back then".

So yes. Cathy was frustrated just as many of us have been. But she threw it off and happily carried on, just as we usually do. But I want to make it clear that I didn't set out to put that into the movie. It just came out on its own. Just as I was thanked by more than a few people for "making a movie about me" or "that's my life", there is more to it, underneath the restaurant theme.

This movie has a life of its own, and yes her life is different than I thought it would be, but one thing's for sure...she was born out of LOVE. 

Love for a wonderful life. Love for the fabulous places I have worked at over the years and love for the restaurant people I had and still have in this life. I won't give up at finding the right people to remake this classic and timeless movie that everyone can relate to on one level or another. It would even make a great musical! Yahoo! Peace out! 

 

Don't Be Afraid. Just Ask.

This is personal. Not many people read my blogs so it's OK. I'm putting this out there anyway. 

I'm on a healing tour because my beloved horse Jimmy died suddenly. We were together for 24 years. I'm visiting friends and family all over the States. It's been an adventure and also recently a big learning event. 

I was in Champaign visiting my friend Janet, and she mentioned that Tom Hanks' brother is a professor there. All these years thinking that Tom might be the person who would understand this movie's potential to help and I just find this news out now? Crazy. So we went to his building and I left a note in his mailbox. It was about the movie, my mission and that I needed help. I straight out asked. I have quit being afraid. Or so I thought.

In Nashville, my friend mentioned a guy who sells typewriters and that Tom Hanks visited him. I was seeing a pattern here and thought it was a sign for me to go and meet him in person and ask (not over the phone) if he had any suggestions on how I might contact Tom. By the way, I do think typewriters are cool and had a beautiful mint condition blue Royal that was ruined in storage. I was sad. Anyways, we had a great conversation about many things including the restaurant industry. He's a very nice guy and passionate about his work, dealing in typewriters. And it was a really cool place.

I wanted to ask right away so I wasn't being weird, but as time went on, I felt more uncomfortable and nervous about asking him for help. It got to the end, and I struggled about asking, and ended up not asking but telling him about the movie. Fear. Fear stopped me. It all ended poorly. I left there with a pretty bad feeling. I felt dishonest and uncomfortable.

I sent him an email the day after to apologize and also prove that the things we did talk about were the truth. My friend suggested that I ask then. Bad move. Mistake. I should have had the guts to ask for help right away, but I didn't. Fear is a very strong emotion and I'm not used to all of this. I'm a waitress and a trucker and used to doing things on my own. I'm used to loving driving my 18 wheeler along the highway, seeing the land, meeting people and loving my life.

I didn't ask for this movie. No one has ever heard me say that I wanted to make a movie. EVER!

BUT, I KNOW I was called to make the movie. God provided EVERYTHING! Proof. One person absolutely can NOT do what I did. It was in God's strength. Period. It's His, not mine.

Last fall, I was getting everything ready to move to Vancouver Island and live a trucker type life, while still trying to get the movie remade, but Covid stopped that. I was very frustrated and angry even while loving being back on long haul. Waiting to move was ok, but I figured out that I was not doing what I know is God's will for my life. God's Will. How do I know? There's not enough space here to explain how I know.

Right before I started to write this down here, funny enough, my buddy from High School, with whom I was reconnected when the movie came out years ago, said that I have always been clear on God's call for my life. I didn't know it showed. Jim knows all about the remake idea. I thanked him for his perfect timing because I've been upset since yesterday when I read Kirk the typewriter man's email. 

A couple of nights before, I sent a very short (I knew he hated me) email to apologize AGAIN. He sent me a very long email about how I was selfish, acted covertly, tried to use him for my own good (getting into the movie biz I'm guessing), and lots more. Also how I don't understand famous people and their lives and so forth. I had no idea that I had done all these things. I just knew I really screwed up and something wasn't right. It was the first time in my entire life anyone has said anything this scathing and hurtful, and he was totally wrong about me. 

I returned an email and even asked for forgiveness AGAIN, along with knowing that I screwed up and that from his perspective, I did appear to be these things and I deserved to be beat up. I also put insight into my mission to help him understand this mess. Unfortunately, I doubt he'll read it or ever believe anything I say.  

But I do understand about famous people. Their lives are terrible in my opinion. They lose their lives to the world. Especially the really famous ones. No time to be just who they are. In public anyway. I would never want to be famous. I like my life just the way it is. I have friends all over the world. Real friends, not FB "friends". I'm 'famous' enough thank you very much.

Now I have come to realize that I need to let it all go, upsetting as his harsh words were. He completely misjudged me. He has NO IDEA of what I am all about. He thought I was a person who wants fame, fortune and whatever else goes with it and lots of other ideas of who I am. But he's wrong, and it's all because I was afraid and nervous. I forgot to remember to do this poster's message...(The poster I carried in my car on the whole tour!)

The truth is that my struggle with following God's path for me is because it's NOT what I want. Anyone who knows me knows that. Leave me alone God! I've said it many times. I LOVE trucking. Go away. I made the movie as you wanted. I'm done!

Apparently not. I've spent 18 years on this movie, all my retirement funds at the time--I'm fine now (and it's never been about money for me-- never made one single penny on the movie) and I even moved to Vancouver (alias Nineveh) to try to get connections for a remake, which is the path I ended up on. Why a remake? Because people keep saying how it needs to be out in the "regular" world. IT'S ALREADY BEEN SEEN IN EVERY COUNTRY IN THE WORLD ON THE INTERNET!!! Isn't that enough?!?

I sound angry. I am. Just when I've recommitted to the movie... I'm angry at myself for being such a chicken, which made me appear deceitful and manipulative, and I'm a bit angry at Kirk. His reaction was very very strong (and rightfully so IF I was that type of person), but he had no room for understanding. I apologized twice and he still raked me over the coals. I made a big mistake out of fear. His perspective was only that I "tried to use me so that you could use Tom to get what you want". I get it from his view, but it's wrong. Besides, I already have what I want.

He doesn't know me or my life or the truth and passion of my mission. He just sees what he knows and has experienced, and maybe I was a trigger of some sort. He doesn't know that I'd give the movie away to the right people, to get it remade. Mr. Hanks keeps popping up. In North Carolina, my restaurant pal of over 20 years and I went by the part of the park trail where "Forrest Gump ran". Really?? C'mon! Kirk doesn't know why I made the movie in the first place--to help people understand what we in the restaurant industry are really like, and quit judging us and treating us as less than we are. He doesn't know that I put my entire life into this mission that I never ever wanted. And, he doesn't know that I have given up the fight.

Last night, because I was upset, I watched Milton's Secret . A movie based on Eckhart Tolle's teachings on controlling your emotions and thoughts. Great stuff and free! They were giving it away. At the end they were selling a package with tools to help you learn the teachings. Good movie... with a lure. I just now discovered that it was released in 2016! WOW. Thought it was new!

I've been giving the movie away since 2008. It's free all over the internet. No lure. No sales pitch, no nothing. Just a desire to help people understand and be entertained at the same time. It has helped people. I've been told. Now, I want to get the movie remade because I know it will help even more people. And perhaps in ways I didn't even know about. I've heard that before and was surprised. THAT was my desire. It was not to get into the movie biz--which is why I didn't really try film festivals. Those are for FILMMAKERS! I am a waitress. A waitress and a trucker, and I love them both.

I'm done. But one more thing. One lesson I've learned here is: just ask. Don't be afraid. What's gonna happen? Who knows. Who cares? Another lesson is: when I ask, do it boldly and confidently. I know what I'm supposed to be doing. I know my motives, and who cares what other people think. I don't anymore after this because they might be terribly wrong. But at the same time, don't be such a chicken!! There's only one Person who matters. My success is that when I stand in front of God, I want to hear, "Well done good and faithful servant." And THAT'S why I'm not going to quit or let something like what happened in Nashville destroy my desire to help others by doing the will of God. 

That's it.

Or maybe not. Since I wrote this, I keep thinking about and losing sleep over this whole mess. Last night (a few days after I first published this), I figured out why it's bothering me so much. Yes, I felt bad during and right after the event because I knew I messed up and felt dishonest and all those bad feelings, but not as bad as I felt after getting his email. 

Now I know why. He said, "covertly and ploy". It was my intention to meet him and ask him if he could help and I chickened out. (And I'm sorry if I like typewriters in the mean time.) IF I had intended to act covertly and have a ploy, and use him, I wouldn't feel bad at all. But I do. And, it has bothered me long enough. I have learned a big lesson as stated above and now I have to let it go. Just as in waitressing, you can't solve every problem and people are going to take the ONE mistake you make and erase everything else. No more fear. It gets me in trouble.

A Miracle and Loss

In the time before I got back behind the wheel of my big rig, I had no intention of working on the movie website. But because of many "coincidences", I ended up overhauling the whole website. 

2 days ago, I woke up with all the usual frustrations- how can I get this done? I'm nobody. I'm a waitress and now a trucker. How can I get to the people who can make this happen? What do I do Lord? I can't do this. Ok, yes, the movie is all over the world by word of mouth. But what about getting it remade as so many people keep telling me to do. I can't do it!

After praying and talking to God, I said ok, I'm going to do what worked when the movie was made in the first place. "Let Go and Let God" (That message was on my phone). I'm going to paint the boat and let it sail so to speak. Feeling a tiny bit better, I got up and as I stepped into the bathroom, a miracle happened. In an instant, I felt God saying, as I was thinking, It's not your (my) movie. Then I thought, "It's not my responsibility." Immediately, I heard Dr. Charles Stanley's voice in my head about a sermon he preached.

He said he was driving to church one day in all kinds of turmoil about all that was happening and suddenly he felt God saying to him, "Charles, it's not your church. It's not your responsibility. It's mine." PHEW! He said he'd never forget that moment. A huge burden was lifted. 

THANK YOU LORD!!! It's not my movie, never has been. I just showed up and did the work. He made it happen. And I had nothing to do with it getting spread all over the world. So I am going to show up and do the work. But I am free! God is in control and I totally knew it then... and FELT IT!

Good thing because yesterday I discovered something "terrible". For over 15 years I have kept all the emails from movie cast members and musicians, waitresses, contacts with many companies, restaurants and organizations, ideas and information I used to help me with the movie. So many folders. Confirmation and verification of facts about the movie. Well, it's all gone. Not there. Deleted forever.

Why? Because I didn't log into my Yahoo account within a year. 

It's happened in the past that I was away from the account. The support person said there must have been a glitch in the system for it to have still been there then. 

But it's all gone now.  Shocked. Sad. Unbelieving. But then it hit me. God is really telling me that I am not responsible. It's His movie. He is in control.

So, I'm putting this story out there because it's the truth. I have no idea of God's plans for me, but I'm not trying to get into the movie industry. I made a movie because I know God called to me, and now I just want to use it to help others. My mission was to get a positive restaurant movie out there and I did.

What's next? I have no idea. But I'm just going to be open and in the meantime live my dream of driving the big rigs. 10-4 good buddy. We gone, ba bye!

World Water Day Tomorrow

It's really always been about restaurants and my love of the industry.

I was looking at old emails the other day and got inspired all over again. Even though I don't get comments on my blogs. I don't have many views on YouTube for either the movie or the trailer, and took my movie off of facebook because I don't have many likes, I still can't seem to give up on getting the movie remade.

Maybe it's because people like it. I know for a fact that hundreds of thousands of people have watched it and then tell their friends to watch it. How else would it have spread all over the world without a stick of advertising or campaigning? Why else would someone put "HOT NEW MOVIE" on a torrent site when it's 5 years old?

Maybe it's because when I do sit and watch it with new friends, we sit around talking about our own restaurant experiences and we relate to the movie on interesting levels and in fun ways.

Maybe because it wasn't my idea in the first place. I know in my heart and will always know that God called me to make it and this is the path of my life. How else could a feature-length movie with over 80 speaking parts, and 26 locations with multiple sets within those locations, ever get made in 25 days by basically one person? It wouldn't. But God provided everything: so it did.

I am currently working in commercials in Vancouver and am amazed at how many people it takes to make a commercial. Granted, the production value is extremely high---not like my movie as the reviews say. But they also say that my movie is sincere and honest and a gem of a story. I believe that is why it's been seen in every country of the world and then some.

So that's why I won't give up. Honestly, sometimes I really want to. My life would make more sense and be less frustrating and difficult. But, when was following your heart and doing what you believe is God's will for your life easy?

Remake 4 Water may no longer be a website, but I will never stop my passion for helping others get water. I am up to 11 wells in Cambodia now and will keep on going until I'm ashes. So although World Water Day STILL isn't on any calendars that I have seen, I will honour it and keep trying to help.